I Came Up With Better Songs for Five Motern Media Titles, OK?

by Odilon Green

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about

Matt Farley of Motern Media (third from left in the album-cover photo) is a media machine. He's recorded and released over 18,000 songs as of this writing, many of which are truly excellent. He's also made several films; for example, this photo was taken at the premiere of his movie "Slingshot Cops."

In honor of Matt, in late 2016 I wrote a series of four songs based upon titles from his vast catalog, which are presented here as tracks 1-4. These songs are wholly original in lyrics and music; the only thing I borrowed from Matt (with his permission) are the titles themselves.

Track 5 also uses a Motern Media song title, but was done earlier (in mid-2016) when I needed inspiration to complete a quick 1-hour songwriting challenge.

Track 6 was inspired by the birth of Matt's first son a few years ago.

Track 7 is the opening track in a musical I started writing a while ago based on Matt's story. The project has been dormant lately, but who knows, I may return to it some day.

credits

released June 11, 2017

All songs written and performed and copyrighted by The Other Strange Man / Odilon Green.

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tags: pop

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all rights reserved

about

Odilon Green

In junior high a long, long time ago, I elected to take flute as my required instrument.

Unfortunately, in my second year, I was put in a third-year class due to a scheduling conflict. Being so far behind everyone else made me miserable. As a result, I did . . . unfortunate things to my flute to sabotage it in order to try to get out of class.

My relationship with music is much better now.
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Track Name: A Song About Polar Bears
A Song About Polar Bears

VERSE 1

Some polar bears were wandering up near the north pole
Looking for a tasty seal to eat
When they came upon nine reindeer playing in the snowy cold
The bears rejoiced, for venison is a tasty treat

They devoured each and every reindeer on that frigid plain
But though bears waste not, not one would eat the nose
Of the smallest reindeer carcass, because though it sounds insane
It was so shiny some even said it glows.

CHORUS

The polar bears ate the reindeer
The blood flowed on the ice
The polar bears ate the reindeer
That wasn't very nice

VERSE 2

When Santa came upon the scene at first he was upset
That the bears had eaten his sleigh pulling team
But he quickly came to see that there was no cause for regret
And his twinkling eye soon regained its gleam

He was sick of gun nuts shooting at him every Christmas eve
Drawn by the red light shooting 'cross the night
But when it snows polar bears are much harder to perceive
And if attacked, well, polar bears can bite.

CHORUS

The polar bears saved Christmas
The sleigh cut through the sky
The polar bears saved Christmas
Who knew polar bears could fly?

BRIDGE

And Santa’s favorite part about his new troop of bear
Was the gentle reminder they gave kids to care
About the true meaning of Christmas, to be kind and to share
For tots who are not had better beware

A child who is sweet will get lots of great toys
And sugary treats, and snuggles, and joy
But children who are sour and their parents annoy
Will be eaten up whole, whether a girl or a boy

CHORUS

The polar bears saved Christmas
But don’t be naughty, do not cry 
The polar bears saved Christmas
‘Cause if you're not good then you'll die
Track Name: The Killer Clown Came to Our Town
The Killer Clown Came to Our Town

VERSES 1 & 2

Flubbo was a clown
Who wasn't much fun
He couldn't make people laugh
He couldn't sell a pun

He so wanted to spread
Joy and goodwill
But try as he might
He had no clowning skill

Then one fateful day 
At a fifth birthday bash
He thought a magic trick
Would make a big splash

He pulled a fish bowl
From the hat on his head
But all the kids screamed
'Cause the little fish was dead

CHORUS

[Hey, look, there's that fish killer now!]

Flubbo the killer clown
The clown who made children cry
It’s Flubbo the killer clown
He's the clown who made the laughter die

VERSES 3 & 4

Flubbo wandered town to town
No one would let him in
He couldn’t live down that poor fish

Every day he hoped anew
The he would find his place
Making people happy was his only wish

No one would give Flubbo a chance
But then he came to my town
And heard a pounding disco beat 

He was drawn into my club
Like it was calling out his name
The rhythm tugging at his feet

He'd never been out dancing so did
What came naturally
It always cheered him up to see
How silly he could be

Shuffling his big clown feet
And honking his red nose
Doing flips and pratfalls
He put on quite the show

CHORUS

[Hey, look, that guy's awesome!]

Flubbo the killer clown
His dancing really caught the eye
It’s Flubbo the killer clown
With killer moves so cool, you could just die

VERSE 5

Now Flubbo is beloved 
By the hipster party crowd
They dig his zany moves
They sing his praises loud

We both know any day
A new hot fad may take his place
But Flubbo doesn’t care
“I’ve gained a lifelong love of bass”

BRIDGE

And don't feel bad for the little fish
It seems he faked his own death so he'd be flushed and go free
Now he dances in the ocean blue
Grooving to the song of his big dolphin buddy

CHORUS x2

Flubbo the killer clown
He once made children cry
It’s Flubbo the killer clown
He's waved those days goodbye

[Let's all hear it for]

Flubbo the killer clown
His dancing really grabs the eye
He's Flubbo the killer clown
With killer moves so cool, you could just die
Track Name: Plow Guy Hit My Garage
Plow Guy Hit My Garage

VERSE 1

Out in my garage sits a special memento
A perfectly maintained Jackson Model C
A brass era car and the pride and joy
Of the first farmer my father brought to his knees 

Pops founded a bank so he'd rake in the cash
Charging high interest rates on the money he loaned
One farmer fell behind when the drought hit the plains
My father seized all that this farmer owned

CHORUS

I’ve come for your Jackson, to pay off your debt
I’ve come for your Jackson, plus the foreclosure fee
I’ve come for your Jackson, I feel no regret
I’ve come for your Jackson, now give it to me

VERSE 2

Dad sold most everything that had any value
As the destitute farmer helplessly grieved
But my father kept that gleaming brass Jackson
A souvenir of all he had achieved

All the farmer had left were the things not worth selling
A weak sickly ox and a rusty old plow
As he shuffled away to wherever poor folk go
He turned to my Dad and made a solemn vow

CHORUS

I will come for my Jackson, you've taken what's mine
I will come for my Jackson, mark my words well
I will come for my Jackson, I've got nothing but time
I will come for my Jackson, come heaven or hell

VERSES 3-4

Like dear dead dad I'm also a banker
And like him I despise a deadbeat
If you borrow my money, then you pay your debts
It's a hard world, you've got to be strong to compete

I'm watching TV when the cable cuts out
In the sudden silence I hear footsteps fall
I look out the window and off in the distance 
I see a stranger sight than any I can recall

A weak sickly ox pulls a rusty old plow
Guided by a dusty skeletal man
His battered straw hat pulled down hiding his face
He shuffles forth with determined plan

In the cleaved soil trailing the man and his ox
I see the TV cords he cut a few moments prior
With the ox's next step my power goes out
As the plow blade slices through my electric wire 

And then my radio turns on…

CHORUS

I am coming for my Jackson, you've taken what's mine
I am coming for my Jackson, mark my words well
I am coming for my Jackson, I've got nothing but time
I am coming for my Jackson, come heaven or hell

VERSES 5-6

Everything is dark, there's no moon, no stars
But the plow, does it shine its own light?
The man and his ox approach my garage
Direct, like a man with home in sight

"What madness are you," I yell at the man
As the ox reaches the garage wall
Then passes right through like the wind through the air 
Not stopped by the boundary at all

But then the plow hits, and I feel the house tremble
It ruptures the wall like a pin to the eye
The plow creates a hole, and the man goes in after
Outside, only darkness is left in the sky

It's just some strange trick, I know that for sure
I grab my gun for extra courage
I yell out a warning, race out of my house
And plunge through the breach into the garage 

I hear…

CHORUS

I’ve come for my Jackson, to pay off your debt
I’ve come for my Jackson, plus the foreclosure fee
I’ve come for my Jackson, I feel no regret
I’ve come for my Jackson, now give it to me

BRIDGE 

And in tonight's news, a mysterious death in the wealthy Farmer's Glen gated community.  The victim’s body -- which police would only describe as 'gruesome' -- was found buried in a shallow grave under the torn-up floor of his garage.  Strangely, although neighbors were home at the time that police say the murder occurred, no one reported anything suspicious.

Police have their work cut out for them.  Revenge is one possible motive, as the victim's bank has tossed many local families out of their homes.  Or this may have been a simple robbery, as a rare Jackson Model C was taken from the victim's garage.  Oddly, a rusted out plow and a complete set of ox bones appear to have been left in its place. 

CHORUS

I’ve come for my Jackson, you've taken what's mine
I’ve come for my Jackson, mark my words well
I’ve come for my Jackson, I've got nothing but time
I’ve come for my Jackson, come heaven or hell
Track Name: That Pretty Girl Just Farted, I Think
That Pretty Lady Just Farted, I Think

INTRO

All right kiddo, is it time to change your diaper yet?  [Sniff] Yep that's pretty gross.  Let's get you cleaned up.  [Sniff] Ugh... How can somebody so cute have poop that stinks so bad? Actually, I guess it's kind of fitting.  Let me tell you a little story...

VERSES 1-2

An acquaintance who I knew from work
Who I thought was a bit of a jerk
Asked if I'd like to go
To a party he'd throw
With loud music so ladies would twerk

I thought it was pretty clear cut
That it's rude to check out people's butts
Still I had the night free
I'd go, but I'd be
A gentleman no matter what

From the moment I walked in the door
I wondered what I'd even come for
I tried to have fun
But I knew no one
I just stared at the living room floor

’Til I smelled an exotic perfume
While waiting in line for the bathroom
Standing right behind me
Also waiting to pee 
Was a girl who brought light to my gloom

CHORUS 

I said, “I’ve never smelt that, I mean, it smells great ”
She said, "Thanks, I like to make my own scents.”
I said, “I know what you mean, music’s what I create.”
She said, “Making things is cool, and is time well-spent”

VERSE 3

My heart soared into the air
And I wondered did I even dare
Hope that she liked me too
‘cause if it was true
Then just maybe we’d make a great pair

But then it got awkward real fast
And each second dragged out from the last
Conversation died
I was wholly tongue tied
And it felt like our moment had passed

CHORUS

I said, “Sooo… Nice weather?”
She said, “Yeah… A little cool for the date.”
I said, “I know what you mean, I should have brought a sweater.”
She said, “Hey person in the bathroom how long do we have to wait??”

VERSES 4-5

I was sad it was falling apart
At an end before it had a start
But fate, though unseen 
Loudly intervened
When she loosed a remarkable fart

[Fart break]

There was no trace of red on her face
She felt not the slightest disgrace
Though everyone knew
Beyond doubt it was true
It was her who had stunk up the place

I know that farting is taboo
But sometimes it's just what one must do
Though perhaps immature
I knew for quite sure
I needed to rip a fart too

CHORUS

I said, "Sure, but how about…” [fart] 
She said, “OK, but then…” [fart]
I said, “Yeah, but check out…” [fart]
She said, “That reminds me of when…” [fart]

BRIDGE 

After that little display, we were politely asked to go
We laughed all the way to a cozy cafe I know
We’ve been together ever since, and we will never outgrow
Being as loud as we can, when we feel the need to blow

CHORUS x2

I say, "Sure, but how about…” [fart] 
She says, “OK, but then…” [fart]
I say, “Yeah, but check out…” [fart]
She says, “That reminds me of when…” [fart]

I say, “What would you advise about…” [fart] 
She says, “I recommend…” [fart]
I say, “I don’t mean to doubt, but…” [fart]
She says, “I guess in the end…” [fart]
Track Name: Never Cross That Line
Never Cross That Line

VERSE 1

If you look on a map
You'll see encircling my town
A solid black line
I wish I could see on the ground

So I'd know just how far
I can walk before I’m in
Someone else's town
Somewhere I’ve never been

CHORUS
I'll never cross that line
I'll never leave my home
This town's been good to me
I've got no urge to roam

VERSE 2

They say your home 
is wherever is your heart
I know that that's a lie
I knew it from the start

My beloved wanted to leave town
To further her career
She followed her dreams
My home is still here

CHORUS x2

I'll never cross that line
I'll never leave my home
This town's been good to me
I've got no need to roam

BRIDGE

She didn’t ask me to go
She knew what I hold dear
She left with my heart
My home will always be here

CHORUS

I'll never cross that line
I'll never leave my home
This town's been good to me
I've got no urge to roam
Track Name: Like Father, Like Son (A Lullaby)
 Like Father Like Son

VERSE 1

The newborn baby
So small and cute
At least until
He starts to poop
Dad says 
"How do you do this all day?
Where does it come from?
But it's OK.

CHORUS
'Cause you do what you can do
And you make what you can make
Some people may be unimpressed
But if you're happy then it's great."

VERSE 2
And dad, he likes
To sing his songs
Some people don't get it
But others sing along
The boring people ask
"Why do you do it?"
Dad says "If it's fun
You gotta commit.

CHORUS
Cause I do what I can do
And I make what I can make
Some people may be unimpressed
But if I'm happy then it's great."

BRIDGE
And dad says
"We're in this together
So let's have a little race
Each day you'll poop just lots of times
I'll try to keep the pace
Each time you fill you diaper
I'll record another tune
And by the time you're toilet trained 
My songs will reach the moon!

CHORUS

Cause we do what we can do
And we make what we can make
Some people may be unimpressed
But if we're happy then it's great."
Track Name: Everything Deserves a Song (Oh Yeah!)
Everything Deserves a Song (Oh Yeah)

INTRO

I wake up in the morning
With a song in my heart
A whole brand new day
Is just about to start
And as I throw off the covers
The very most bestest part
Is the fresh page of opportunity
To make life into art!

VERSE 1

A bar of soap is really neat
It gets me clean from my head to my feet
And helps me be not stinky but rather smell sweet
I lather and rinse and then I repeat

This razor lets me cut the hair from my face
It gets my skin so smooth without any trace
Of stubble at all, and I keep a spare in case
It starts to get dull, and needs to be replaced

CHORUS 1

(Oh yeah!) My gift is to take the mundane
(Oh yeah!) Things that are commonplace, ordinary, plain
(Oh yeah!) And through the magic a song can attain
(Oh yeah!) Make it all enchanting again

VERSE 2

Traffic light tells me when to stop and go
If you don’t want to crash, it’s good stuff to know
The traffic cop waves at me to go slow
I obey the traffic signal and merge with the flow

Have you ever really thought about everyday stuff
The people and things that make life not so rough
To celebrate the special is easy enough
Appreciating the mundane is much more tough

CHORUS 2

(Oh yeah!) How can people be bored with the world?
(Oh yeah!) Don’t they see a rag can be a flag once its unfurled
(Oh yeah!) An oyster may look drab but inside is a pearl!
(Oh yeah!) You can hear the music’s notes once you give the tune a whirl

BRIDGE

There’s nothing so small it doesn’t merit a song
Every person deserves their own tune
I may not have gotten around to you yet
But soon…
Someday soon…

CHORUS 1